fear and stillness

The smoke, it licks
and tastes the moment,
and leaves me stranded
and stuck, and I know it.

i stand outside the house
outside my life and I see,
the wasted thoughts and memories.

The smoke, it licks
and the roofs and windowpanes
until it has a grip
and rips all apart, the windowpanes.

I stand there helpless,
the doctors can’t stop the burning.
the monster from the sky
keeps the destruction burning.

Oh father, oh god-
why fore have you brought this deseret
to the center of my abdomen
where, now, no life exists.

I stand outside, the house
oustide my life and I see
the wasted thoughts and the memories.

Cancer: A killer born of me
won’t listen to my mind
and set me free.

Outside my life and my memories
sits cancer and its cold black eyes.
I hear its sighs and its leafless trees-
oh cancer, let me and my loved ones be.picture-1

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About Ben Dooling

I began this blog shortly after being diagnosed with terminal rectal cancer. It has since begotten a short book of poems, most of the poems came from here. Cancer has taught me more than it has taken. It has shown me my gifts, and what an examined life is.

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