THE HALLS
I used to visit
dusty church basements
to find the trinkets God left behind.
Like a grandmother
who hoards photographs
from the war,
I’d see things there
that no one’s seen before:
leaflets tossed out of planes,
chips once used as currency,
flags with useless sayings on the walls.
I’d sit in a chair
and listen to ghosts
tell war stories
more frightening than most.
‘A life second to none,’
is what I was promised,
if I just sifted through the basements
and stayed vigorously honest.
I can’t say it was a lie
and I can’t say it wasn’t.
When I was a child,
basements were the gathering places
of secrets and shadowy forces.
When I grew up,
they bristled with quiet joy
and a life of choices.
I learned how to give
and be accountable;
clean up my past,
and overcome the insurmountable.
the architect of my d.n.a.
revealed itself to me
In a thunderstorm of miracles
I never thought I’d see.
I was suicidal early on,
and the thoughts were restless and racing.
After two weeks of professional help,
nothing was changing.
If you believe nothing of what i’ve written
please place some stock in this-
the only thing that saved me
was a prayer that went like this:
See, I used to meditate
with a friend at night.
We’d get quiet in my car
and turn off the light.
I was suicidal and leaning toward the end
when I said these words
as I sat next to my friend.
“Christ, please remove these thoughts,”
I said with little conviction.
After ten minutes of silence
I was free from my mental affliction!
That was some 4 years ago.
That is just one account
of a gift called ‘spiritual experience’
where faith is planted in the heart
through supernatural deliverance.
I could share so many more.
I’m on so many meds now
that I don’t feel I have a place
in the basements that caressed me,
under a churches full of grace.
Here on earth
there are 12 steps to heaven;
the creaky, wooden steps
disappear into a mist after about 7.
Then it’s relying on the silence
and being guided.
I sure hope you did this
better than I did.
I want to come back
but I’m not clear on why-
For the steps
lead out of the basement,
into the world, up to the sky.