Mother (poem form)

I’m sitting across

from my dear sweet mother

in an apartment I live with

many another.

 

The blood tests showed

a steady rise in cancer

for the past three months,

and the doc had no answer.

 

So a cat scan was ordered

and I prepared for the worst-

lotsa tears and muted rage;

the anger came in bursts.

 

It was the longest night,

the one after the scan-

seeing visions of love undone

and the end of me as I am.

 

In a hotel room,

just me and my mom,

waiting to hear the next day

exactly what was wrong.

 

was around two pm

when i picked up the phone

and called the doc

(I was all alone.)

 

She said the scan was stable

and showed no cancer growth-

I didn’t find myself able

to hear what she spoke.

 

I had prepared for the worst-

and this is how I did it-

I let go of the bad things in life

and here they are: i’ll admit it…..

 

a goodbye to loneliness

wouldn’t be so bad,

and ‘see ya’ to cancer to.

Take care, miss rejection

I never ever liked you!

 

I’m still sittin’ here

with my mom

on a couch in the livingroom.

I’m not sure while I’m still around,

but, in no small part to her love,

maybe i’m not goin’ anywhere to soon.

 

 

 

 

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About Ben Dooling

I began this blog shortly after being diagnosed with terminal rectal cancer. It has since begotten a short book of poems, most of the poems came from here. Cancer has taught me more than it has taken. It has shown me my gifts, and what an examined life is.