No matter how ardently I would bring these shortcomings to my prayer life, I remained locked in self. How very dissapointed I became in myself! Now… I find myself in a similar position as my former clients- my goals every day are that small. I am being tought humility with a hammer. One of my goals, through my social worker, is to wake up at nine every morning. I have not been perfect with that goal, but there is progress.

I was diagnosed with stagefour rectal cancer shortly after a burnout leave of absence from work. I had experienced a mysterious fatigue and pain in my liver area for a brief period before I saw my doctor but thought nothing of it. I am 38, after all.

I have since learned that I have ‘lynch syndrome,’ a genetic dissorder that caused this cancer. In addition, it appears that my dear brother has it as well, as doctors found three pre-cancerous polyps upon colonoscopy shortly after I was diagnosed. He is still waiting genetic testing results. This shatters my heart.

My brother David and have become extremely close since all this happened. He calls me every day and gives me strength without trying or saying anything partiicularly special. He is in me and I am in him. And he is well and I suppose that must be why I feel stronger after speaking with him.

Chemotherapy causes emotional instability, a whole lot of crying. At one point, I didn’t want my brother to hear me in that kind of distress. I reallized it was pride that held me back from being fully transparent with him in that way so I made it a point to call him when the chemo had me crying. He recieved my call with grace and understanding. That’s love.